The Sporadic, Subpar, Superficial Story of a Girl Losing Her Mind Trying to Do All the Things All the Time

Hello! Me again! You probably don’t remember, but I’m the erotic-adjacent poet and (allegedly) emerging romance writer who’s supposed to be running this website.

What am I doing instead? So glad you asked… I’ve been doing anything and everything but none of it well. My brain is a pinball machine with submissions, full-length collections, residency applications, job hunts, and podcast episodes lighting up in no particular order to distribute only moderate serotonin boosts. My hands, little more than plastic levers, were built for batting rather than juggling. I can knock special projects out of the ballpark when I’m up on adrenaline. Precision and consistency are the things I struggle with.

Summers are restless for me. Life slows down enough to make me feel empty, which carves out space for my depression to settle in, but my anxiety is self-motivating enough to generate stress and paranoia even outside of deadlines. The result is a weird, unsettling, inexplicable “stuck” sensation. As a human, that’s hard. As a writer, though, it can be downright debilitating.

Throwing spaghetti at the wall is fine, until you realize most of your food is ending up on the floor.

Everyone knows the secret to selling is marketing. While that’s always been the case for products (and capitalism in general), I’d wager most writers and artists didn’t begin pursuing their craft under the assumption that they would one day have to become content creators. For some people, the sales component of their craft isn’t a priority. I’m fortunate enough to have a full-time job I’m generally content with, for example, so I don’t rely on writing to feed myself. I know plenty of others who do dedicate their entire lives to their art, but they live with family or operate under complete minimalism or simply aren’t concerned with money.

Unfortunately for me, I really like money. I like eating out and going on vacation and shopping and doing fun stuff… all those things. Fortunately for anyone like me, there are tons of ways to make money these days. You just have to find, take advantage of, and then stick with them. This is where I struggle (the aforementioned juggling). I know art isn’t a “get rick quick” scheme, nor should it be, but the perfectionist in me is often guilty of conflating success with popularity and popularity with profit. Because of this, I find myself putting more effort behind things that are already successful when new ideas or projects don’t immediately offer the same levels of validation… which results in lots of ideas being started without full follow-through.

So, I ask myself (and anyone else in a similar situation)… What’s the point of having an idea if you’re not going to give it the best chance of success?

Now, a counterpoint… What’s the point of taking time away from something you’re doing well in favor of something you don’t know will work or not?

Slow and steady may win the race, but trying new things never took anyone out of the running.

I don’t write or post solely for profit. I do it because it calls to me, because I have something to say and an impulse to share, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want o exploit any and all options for making myself a success. Enter my plethora of projects… I started my Instagram to post my work. I started this website because I knew I’d need one if I was going to pitch myself as a serious author. I started a Substack to make a home for my non-poetry writings, and I built a podcast within that platform as a way to share pieces of myself that aren’t as pretty or polished or carefully curated as what you’d find on any of my other outlets.

Instagram, I do very well. Website, I need to update more regularly. Substack, I need to devote more attention to. Podcast, I need to actually get off the ground. So, the promise I’m making to myself and my readers is that these four noodles are the only ones I’m worrying about for the next little while. My goal is to do a new website post once per month, a new smutty short on Substack twice a month, and a new podcast episode weekly. Each of these outlets offers something different, both for me and my audience. I think these platforms are all valuable and important and have the potential to bring more people to my work, which is always what I’m trying to do (whether it makes me money or not).

Consistency is key, but no one said locksmithing was easy.

Here’s where all you lovely people who were interested enough to read this far come in. I’m kinda relying on y’all for a lot of grace and patience while I teach myself to juggle – some things will work, some things won’t, and some will develop over time – but I hope at least one thing I’m doing right now speaks to you.

-Love, Claire 💜