I’ve been thinking a lot about dreams versus delusions lately. As a creative, I think it’s in my nature to dream, but it can also be really easy for me to get carried away with those dreams. If I have a sudden inclination to go on a writing cruise, I’m already halfway through the booking process before I remember I have a life with responsibilities and bills and whatnot. When I imagine my work being finished, I picture myself being so wildly successful that none of my bills ever matter again. I think about finding fairytale love, owning a gorgeous home by the beach, going on lavish vacations, purchasing one-of-a-kind art, wearing stunning gowns to masquerade balls, getting thousands of followers on social media, meeting Taylor Swift… I dream about these things constantly and in vivid detail. When reality comes, as it always does, the crash can be pretty hard. It’s always sad to see a dream die, even if it’s only in your head.

If I were hyper-realistic about everything all the time, though, I might not be motivated to write anything ever again. I think the world is probably more digestible to the realists, the ones who see things as they are or most likely will be instead of as they could be (under ideal circumstances). If I didn’t have as much ambition, I don’t think I’d experience as much disappointment, but then what would my purpose be? What would bring me joy? What would I strive for? If I’d begun my journey into Claire Evans taking to heart the near-insurmountable odds stacked against my idea of fame and fortune, I would’ve given up immediately. Everyone wants to say they don’t write for others and aren’t worried about being successful. Everyone else is trying to sell secrets of their craft. I think all of us want some measure of validation… or, at least, an acknowledgement that the things in our heads are worth putting out into the world… but you have to be a bit of a dreamer to overcome the doubts that accompany creative vulnerability.

That being said, it’s still crazy difficult to stay on top of your dreams when their unattainability becomes tangible. In my experience, a decent part of writing (from drafting to querying to promoting to maintaining an online presence) is forcing yourself to ignore the lack of engagement. Fun Fact: That’s part of why this website exists! I’m paying for it. I have to keep it up. It’s forcing me to take myself seriously even if I get zero traction. All I can do is have a tiny bit of faith that one day, when I’m published, it will pay off. Another big part of writing is being willing to compromise some of your ideas of success, either in the name of sacrifice for long-term goals or to keep yourself from getting too discouraged. For example, saving up for a writing retreat to finish your manuscript might mean skipping a few coffee shop writing sessions. Or signing up to read at an open mic, where people are almost always supportive and welcoming, can be emotionally fulfilling when the list of Declined labels on your Submittable account keeps getting longer and longer.

When people ask me why I write, the most honest answer I can give is “the voices in my head won’t shut up”. I think many creatives feel this way, that there’s something inside them trying desperately to claw its way out. But getting those things out in a way that does them justice and feels meaningful and represents truth is so freaking hard!!! Even if the muse comes naturally, its interpretation rarely does. If you have to put that much work into expressing yourself… into giving life to this thing inside you that demands creation… if you put yourself out there by shining a light on something you believe belongs in the world in some way… only for it to be overlooked, rejected, forgotten, ignored, drowned out, or torn apart? That can be devastating. And devastation can be detrimental to dreams.

So, maybe it’s good to be a little delusional sometimes… but also, maybe it’s okay to edit our dreams sometimes too.

Love, Claire 💜